Insane-ness

Top 10 Zombie Flicks EVER

2010-12-08T12:39:00.006-05:00

Just because the Walking Dead is over doesn't mean you have to start feeding grandma toxic oatmeal in hopes of getting your next zombie fix. Below are the top 10 zombie movies ever created (as judged by the only person here that actually matters, The Blunt)

10. Dawn of The Dead Remake-

Here's a movie that proves remakes can be done and done well (Burn in hell, Day of the Dead remake).It was no masterpiece, but it was a gory, enjoyable addition to the world of zombie films.

9. 28 Weeks Later -

Once again, the people behind 28 days later take a page out of George A Romero's book and decide to make a sequel that doesn't suck. This movie managed to up the action without losing focus on what made the original so good (I'm looking at you, Resident Evil sequels).

8. Resident Evil -

The sequels are one thing, but the the original Resident Evil movie was as good as anyone could have hoped for. This movie also gets bonus points for two things, Milla Jovavich's nipple, and being a movie based on a video game and somehow not being terrible. Hell, if you compared this movie to Uwe Boll's shit-fest "House of the Dead", Resident Evil would be fuckin Oscar Worthy.

7. Shaun of the Dead -

Funny. Scary. Overall just a damned good movie.

6. Return of the Living Dead -

I don't give a fuck what you say, Return of the Living Dead is a classic in my eyes and it always will be. "Seend mooooree coopsss..."

5. Zombieland -

Many will hate on me ranking this movie higher than Shaun of the Dead, but all of you can go suck a zombie dick and die. This movie was funnier and just plain better than Shaun of the Dead. And it's my list, so that's all the supporting reasons I need to give. Also, "BM".

4. 28 Days Later -

Thank you, Great Britain. Actually, first off, let me just say that whether you count the infected in this movie as zombies or not I honestly, sincerely and most humbly do not give a flying fuck. They are brain dead, 'soulless' shells of former people with the insatiable urge to feast on the flesh of the living. Ipso facto they are fuckin' zombies.

3. Dawn of the Dead ('78) -

A sequel and a sequel done right. Somehow, The amazing Mr. Romero was able to add a vicious biker gang and a dash of social commentary without sacrificing the awesomeness of what Night of the Living Dead created.

2. Night of the Living Dead -

The Movie that started it all. Almost every good thing about zombie movies was taken from this masterpiece. Before this film zombies were nothing more than half-retarded victims of voodoo. In fact, this film would undoubtedly be #1 if not for it lacking one crucial element...

1. Zombie Strippers-

I really don't even feel the need to justify why this movie has earned its #1 spot on this list, but i will anyway. Zombies. Strippers. Robert Englund. Bam. there. That is literally all this movie needed, but as an added bonus it's also pretty fuckin hilarious with a shit load of inside jokes for philosophy drop-outs such as myself. Not to mention, a naked Jenna Jameson is always nice, even if it is just to remind yourself of how hot she used to be.

Honorable Mention- [Rec] / Quarantine

Insane-ness News 11/28

2010-11-28T06:08:00.002-05:00

Big things are poppin up everywhere at Insane-ness, and I'm not just talking about the massive erection I received thanks to the official launch of our new Sex-ness section. Since our last update, Humor-ness has began its first weekly column, "Know Thy Enemy", which is 100% guaranteed to save your life someday. As if that weren't enough for you to get on your knees and blow me, the Sports-ness section has just launched its new 'Bet of the Day', quite possibly the easiest way for you to get out of all that messy credit card debt. But hey, I've got a huge bottle of prescription painkillers calling my name, so take a look around for yourself. You'll find out the same way everyone does that just like a tranny hooker who ends up being an undercover cop, Insane-ness is full of surprises.

Until next time, officer DICKenson.

Why You Need To Watch 'The Walking Dead'. Right Fucking Now.

2010-11-27T00:00:00.002-05:00

The Walking Dead - AMC

You know what the best thing about zombies are? Nobody wants to fuck a zombie. That's it, seriously. Because of that one little seemingly unimportant fact, zombies will never be turned into romanticized versions of their former gory selves marketed to preteen girls and homosexual boys... Twilight (and Trueblood, Vampire Diaries, etc.). No, the biggest make-over any zombie has ever received was the evolution of their advanced motor skills (i.e. They could run) and even that didn't settle well with many hardcore zombie folk.

The mere fact that every lead role isn't actively trying to fuck the zombies in this show instantly makes it the best horror/monster show on the air (though honestly, true blood really has just delved into pure fantasy). Fear not however, as while this show is loaded with suspense, it is far from a simple 'horror' show. Just watch the fuckin' thing.

IMDB rating- 9.4/10

BigFoot Now Extinct! Chupacabra Believed Responsible

2010-11-26T10:27:00.001-05:00

It's true.

Here in the U.S.A. we have a legendary beast known as Sasquatch, a.k.a. Bigfoot. However, as far as legendary beasts go, he doesn't really do much. It seems he just kind of hides out in the woods, leaving behind the occasional foot print or blurry photograph. Despite this, many folk have gone so far as to dedicate their lives to tracking down this creature and proving its existence to the world. Unfortunately, I fear their efforts are in vain. Not because Bigfoot never existed... oh no, I've seen that sneaky bastard with my own two eyes, stealing tomatoes from my mother's garden when I was younger. The thing is, while Bigfoot surely existed at some point, it is clear now that any remaining specimens have been devoured by a much more sinister cryptid, the Chupacabra.

This is not simply speculation mind you, but a valid conclusion based on logic and evidence which I shall gladly share with you now. First, one must understand the nature of the Chupacabra. While Bigfoot left behind foot prints, the chupacabra is leaving behind mutilated corpses of livestock drained almost entirely of their blood. The name Chupacabre literrally translates to 'Goat Sucker'. Sightings of chupacabras have occured everywhere from Puerto Rico to Maine... well into Bigfoot territory. Now some of you might remember the last time Bigfoot made the headlines. The supposed hoax when two men claimed to have found the body of a deceased Bigfoot, but which later was said to have been merely a halloween costume with opposum guts thrown in. However, I ask you now, if that specimen had been attacked by a chupacabra, a creature which reportedly leaves its victims drained completely of blood, would not the carcas of said Bigfoot appear to be simply an empty costume??

Think about it... As for the opossum guts, is it really that unlikely either Bigfoot or the chupacabra that killed him had been feasting on opposom just prior? Now, I shall bring up the next point of interest. Bigfoot sightings have occured in North America since 1924. However, credible sightings have dropped significantly since the 1990s. Cryptozoologists Loren Coleman and Diane Stocking have estimated that as many as 70 to 80 percent of sightings are not real. Now, Take into account that the first of many reported sightings of chupacabras was in 1995. Coincidence? I think not. More and more sightings of chupacabras have been popping up, with two reported killings of the creature in this past month (July '10) alone. One of these creatures was claimed to be a coyote-canine hybrid (how ridiculous), but the other was supposedly completely devoured by vultures before scientists could analyze samples (how seemingly convenient). If ever there was evidence for the presence of a new invasive cryptid species, the amazing increase of killed livestock, the decreasing number of credible bigfoot sightings, and the increasing numbers of chupacabra incidents, is just that. Clearly the chupacabras' appetite is growing. First it was merely goats and other livestock, now it appears as though our lovable (yet tomato thieving S.O.B.) Bigfoots have become the latest addition to their menu. What's next? Nessy? Stranded Martians? I dare not even imagine a world without the Abominable Snowman. The chupacabra is a very real threat to our livestock and our crypto-ecosystem. Thus I feel compelled, nay, obliged to call upon any of you with a gun to go now, and hunt these demonic creatures down. Be warned, though, for you are taking your lives in your own hands.

Insane-ness News

2010-11-15T11:58:00.001-05:00

The Insane-ness network is blowing up like a firecracker up a bullfrog's ass! We now have 5x the amount of material and twice the staff as we did just one week ago. By every sense of the word as I know it, we are unstoppable! To celebrate, we invested a large sum of the years budget on motivational and inspirational products and services! Meaning of course that I personally spent the last $30 in my bank account on a $10 hooker and about a half hour's worth of cocaine.

"Unstoppable"

You lucky bastards get to celebrate by browsing through all the new and exciting awesomeness popping up all over the Insane-ness network! Have fun, but be responsible...

Science Gives Magic Mushrooms to the Dying

2010-11-14T19:05:00.001-05:00

Photo: Jonathan Gill

The '60s were a time of hippies, free love, tie-dye clothing and psychedelic drugs. The '70s, '80s and '90s were mostly about trying to forget the '60s.

Yet now, as we move into the second decade of this new millenium, people are taking a look back and re-examining what useful ideas we may have been keeping locked up all these years. Well, as far as the drugs are concerned anyway. Public opinion on the medical use of marijuana is at its most positive point since the '60s, with 14 states currently having laws legalizing some form of medical cannabis.
Now scientists are going even further by looking into the possible uses of other drugs from that era... such as the psychedelics.

Photo: Wally Pacholka

Psychedelic drugs as medicine?

Researchers at New York University are currently conducting a study in which they are giving terminally ill patients psilocybin, the active ingredient in psychedelic mushrooms. They say that in a controlled setting, hallucinogens can help patients reduce anxiety, personal isolation and fear of death.

chemical structure of psilocybin
Photo: C. Burnett

Anthony Bossis, Professor of psychiatry at the NYU school of medicine, claimed in a recent interview that: "Mysticism is really the cornerstone of all major religions going back millennia... It is characterized by a sense of unity, transcendence, connecting to the broader universe and a sense of life and the promotion of personal spirituality. It recalibrates how we see our life and gives a sense of sacredness and reshapes how we view death."

The study is fully FDA approved, and while the researchers are still looking for 32 more volunteers, patients are extensively screened prior to being accepted. Eligibility requires that one be 18-76 yrs old, suffering from a potentially life threatening disease and without any psychotic spectrum disorders such as schizophrenia or severe depression.

One of their volunteer patients, a 67 year old cancer patient and former French teacher described her anxieties over death to reporters:

"I thought of my two granddaughters and not seeing them growing up... it made me profoundly sad. I wanted to do something for myself, to be able to live more in the moment, rather than worrying."

Having never taken any hallucinogens in the past, the patient had only good things to say about her 'trip': "It was incredible... I wanted to share it. I couldn't believe the world could be so beautiful."

Photo: unkown

Currently psilocybin and other hallucinogens such as peyote and LSD are schedule 1 drugs, meaning they have no recognized medical value by the United States government. Researchers at NYU are hoping this study will help to reclassify the substance.

"To help people to have a good death, and not more chemotherapy, to prepare for the final part of life and to die with dignity and do it in a way that they are not frightened, that is one of the most important endeavors as a physician," Pricipal investigator of the NYU study, and professor of psychiatry, Dr Stephen Ross, was reported as saying.

This is not the first time scientists have delved into the possible benefits of the drug. Scientists across the country are showing a renewed interest in the medical uses of pscilocybin and other hallucinogens. So far, 80 to 90 patients have had similar experiences as the NYU patient in studies on psilocybin at other universities including Johns Hopkins and UCLA.

molecular model of psylocybin

Photo: C.C. Roberts

In a study on 36 patients at Johns Hopkins, researchers looked at the effects of psilocybin on depression. At the 14-month follow-up, more than 60 percent of volunteers rated the experience as among the five most meaningful and spiritually significant of their lives; 58 percent reported a "complete" mystical experience.

A pilot study at the University of Arizona and supported by the Multidisciplinary Association for Psychedelic Studies evaluated the effects of psilocybin on nine patients with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) and found that psilocybin was associated with substantial reductions in OCD symptoms in several of the patients.

Additionally, psilocybin has shown promise in easing the pain caused by cluster headaches, often considered "one of the worst pain syndromes known to mankind." In a 2006 study, 22 of 26 cluster headache patients reported successfully using psilocybin to abort the attacks, and 18 of 19 psilocybin users reported longer attack-free periods.

Why are scientists looking into this just now?

In short: fear of hippies.

Thanks, hippies.

Photo: Derek Redmond and Paul Campbell

Scientific experiments with hallucinogens took place as early as the late '40s and '50s, after the chemical LSD was discovered in an ergot fungus by Swiss chemist Dr Albert Hoffman. In 1961, Timothy Leary and Richard Alpert ran the Harvard Psilocybin Project, carrying out a number of experiments concerning the use of psilocybin in the treatment of personality disorders and other uses in psychological counseling.

According to the British Journal of Psychiatry, by 1965, more than 2,000 papers had reported positive results in 40,000 patients in the treatment of psychiatric orders, depression, sexual dysfunction, bereavement and even addiction.

However, by 1966, after its widespread use by, and heavy association with the hippie counterculture, the drug was made illegal. Scientists distanced themselves from hallucinogens and the government cracked down on research licenses. By the 1970s, under pressure from the US Justice Department, nearly all research ended.

Dried psylocybin containing mushrooms

Photo: Erik Fenderson

"It got demonized as a most addictive drug, but the irony is that it is not addictive," said Dr Ross to reporters. "Used in the models we describe, it can actually lead to sustained sobriety."

**What are the dangers?**

As far as lethality is concerned, psilocybin is relatively safe, with the lethal dose for humans appearing to be far greater than anyone has ever been reported as taking. A 2008 case report noted: "Death from psilocybin intake alone is unknown at recreational or medicinal levels."

However, the greatest fear researchers have when administering any hallucinogen to a patient is the adverse psychoactive effects it may produce. Reactions such as panic attacks, aggression, schizophrenia-like psychosis and convulsions have all been recorded. Known to recreational users of the drug as a 'bad trip', these reactions typically last no longer than the drug is in the system (2 to 6 hrs) and the likelihood of them occurring is greatly increased when one ingests the substance either accidentally or unexpectedly.

Photo: 'Psychonaught'

Since researchers in the NYU study are dealing with patients of extremely high anxiety levels, many precautions are taken to ensure a positive and productive experience. Beforehand, they undergo preparation for the experience in psychotherapy sessions.

When the drug is administered, the patient is paired with a male and female therapist to monitor responses and comfort. The trip itself takes place in a warm, living room type environment, complete with artwork, fresh fruit and calming music.

"Emotional stability optimizes the chance for a good experience," said Bossis. "Trust with the monitors is crucial. If the patient doesn't feel safe, we don't go forward."

Photo: osami-Al-Eryani

Even still, the experience can be scary or traumatizing for some. Doctors at the NYU study have an antidote (which immediately counteracts the effects of the psilocybin) ready should they find it necessary to abort the experience. Valium is also sometimes administered to help the patients relax.

"We encourage them... even if it's something dark and difficult that comes before them," reported Bossis. "We tell patients that no matter where they find themselves, they will return to a normal state of consciousness within six hours."

What's next?

It is unlikely you will be coming across anybody with a prescription for psychedelics any time soon. Since psilocybin is still a Schedule I drug, it is in the hands of the government and not the scientists to determine whether it would make a beneficial addition to available prescription medicine. Of course, with an increasing public awareness, more research, and a general open mindedness toward the idea, psychadelic medicine is definitely a possibility for the future.

"It was such an enormous gift. I don't think people should be so afraid of something that could be so helpful when you are nearing the end of life," the NYU study's interviewed patient was reported as saying. "I had huge insight into my head. I can still conjure it up and I tried for very long to relive it... it was breathtaking."

Probably not anything like this:

Photo: Ryan Bliss, digitalblasphemy.com

Additional Sources: Psilocybin Awareness, ABC News, Psilocybin Mushrooms, and a special thanks to Jonathan Gill for the header image

Six Badass Facts You Never Knew about Dolphins

2010-11-12T16:17:00.002-05:00

Everybody loves dolphins, but nobody appreciates just how badass they truly are... I'm here to change that.

6. Dolphins evolved from land animals, predators resembling wolves

When most people think of evolution they picture fish sprouting legs and walking on land. Dolphins don't give a XXXX what most people think. They've seen land and had legs and decided all that was for pussies. No, the dolphin's level of badassery was far to great to be restricted by gravity, With the obvious lack of chaos to unleash in the empty sky, dolphins instead chose to evolve back into a sea creature to see what mayhem they could unleash in the murky depths of the scary, unforgiving ocean.

As you can see by the picture above, all four limbs are still quite visible in the the dolphins' embryonic stage.

5. The Killer Whale is a Goddamn Dolphin

Yeah, thats right... blood thirsty Shamu up there is Flipper's cousin. And it's worth noting Orcas didn't get the name 'Killer Whales' lightly either, they freakin earned that title. Three People have died as the result of just one of these beasts in SeaWorld/SeaLand alone (Good serial killers never stay in one place). And here we're talking about an Orca specially trained NOT to kill people.

4. Dolphins Are Dirty Sluts

And I mean they are just filthy, filthy whores. If there are any STDs in the dolphin world you can bet that every single one of these freaky bastiches has got it. Aside from being the only animal other than primates recorded to have sex purely for pleasure, dolphins take it a step further by engaging in bisexual and homosexual orgies.

Of course, orgies are nothing more than a good Tuesday night for most dolphins(and me.. totally typical for me). Some species make things a little kinkier by adding sex toys to the mix (sticks and stones may break my bones, but they'll turn a dolphin on as well). It doesn't end there, mind you. Their greatest sexual deviancy is reserved for later in this list.

3. Dolphins are interspecial cooperative hunters

Everyone knows dolphins are smart. They wouldn't have discovered sex toys if they weren't. In fact, entire articles, books even, have been written on the intelligence of these creatures. Of course, I only care about the badass results of this intelligence and interspecies hunting is definately one of them. Dolphins have been observed cooperating with birds, sharks and humans alike to herd schools of fish into swirling enclosed clusters of death.

2. Dolphins are trained as undersea Rambos

The U.S. Government will only admit to training dolphins to locate undersea mines and stranded divers. That's pretty cool, but it's not really all that bad ass. This is why it's important to remember that half of what the U.S. government tells you is a lie. --linkthis-- In 2000 it was reported that Soviet trained combat dolphins were sold to Iran. If the U.S. didn't have combat dolphins when the ruskies did (The same U.S. government that gave its own agents LSD in an attempt to beat the Russians to super powers), then you can damn well believe they've got them now that Iran does.

1. Dolphins are psychotic killers and rapists

Ok, I'll mention the rape first since I promised I'd return to the dolphins sadistic sexual exploits. They rape each other. Male or female, whatever, dolphins love rape. In fact I'm pretty sure the only thing dolphins love more than forcing themselves on one another (and sometimes humans) is killing baby porpoises and tossing around their brutalized corpses. Don't believe me? In 1997 scientists were baffled when they noticed savagely beaten corpses of baby dolphins washing up on the shores of Virginia . Other scientists were equally baffled by the same thing happening with baby porpoises on the shores of Scotland. Since, I'm assuming, American scientists and Scottish scientists don't get along very well, different theories were put forth to explain these mass deaths. Almost ten years later and the truth is finally revealed when people witness first hand the brutal murders taking place
.

The Thursday Thinker:

2010-11-12T08:57:00.005-05:00

"Think? Think about what I wonder..."

Beginning today, every Thursday a new post will be created to give you something to think about until Friday comes around. It could be a 20 page thesis on the science of yawning, a small anecdote pointing out one of life's many inconsistencies, or it could just be a five word riddle. Honestly, you can never be truly sure what you're going to get from this site... but don't worry, there's like a 97% chance we won't give you any diseases.

Anyway, today's thinker is a simple one as I'm sure not a single person has visited this site yet, and i'm not wasting my good shit on spam bots:
"Knowing that water expands when it freezes, making it less dense than when in liquid form... which would weigh more, a 1,ooo pound bucket holding a ton of ice, or a 1,ooo pound bucket holding a ton of water?"

(sorry metric folk, I'm far too lazy to look up conversions for this sad little riddle, but you Europeans should be smart, I'm sure you knew the answer halfway through the question)