BigFoot Now Extinct! Chupacabra Believed Responsible

It's true.

Here in the U.S.A. we have a legendary beast known as Sasquatch, a.k.a. Bigfoot. However, as far as legendary beasts go, he doesn't really do much. It seems he just kind of hides out in the woods, leaving behind the occasional foot print or blurry photograph. Despite this, many folk have gone so far as to dedicate their lives to tracking down this creature and proving its existence to the world. Unfortunately, I fear their efforts are in vain. Not because Bigfoot never existed... oh no, I've seen that sneaky bastard with my own two eyes, stealing tomatoes from my mother's garden when I was younger. The thing is, while Bigfoot surely existed at some point, it is clear now that any remaining specimens have been devoured by a much more sinister cryptid, the Chupacabra.

This is not simply speculation mind you, but a valid conclusion based on logic and evidence which I shall gladly share with you now. First, one must understand the nature of the Chupacabra. While Bigfoot left behind foot prints, the chupacabra is leaving behind mutilated corpses of livestock drained almost entirely of their blood. The name Chupacabre literrally translates to 'Goat Sucker'. Sightings of chupacabras have occured everywhere from Puerto Rico to Maine... well into Bigfoot territory. Now some of you might remember the last time Bigfoot made the headlines. The supposed hoax when two men claimed to have found the body of a deceased Bigfoot, but which later was said to have been merely a halloween costume with opposum guts thrown in. However, I ask you now, if that specimen had been attacked by a chupacabra, a creature which reportedly leaves its victims drained completely of blood, would not the carcas of said Bigfoot appear to be simply an empty costume??

Think about it... As for the opossum guts, is it really that unlikely either Bigfoot or the chupacabra that killed him had been feasting on opposom just prior? Now, I shall bring up the next point of interest. Bigfoot sightings have occured in North America since 1924. However, credible sightings have dropped significantly since the 1990s. Cryptozoologists Loren Coleman and Diane Stocking have estimated that as many as 70 to 80 percent of sightings are not real. Now, Take into account that the first of many reported sightings of chupacabras was in 1995. Coincidence? I think not. More and more sightings of chupacabras have been popping up, with two reported killings of the creature in this past month (July '10) alone. One of these creatures was claimed to be a coyote-canine hybrid (how ridiculous), but the other was supposedly completely devoured by vultures before scientists could analyze samples (how seemingly convenient). If ever there was evidence for the presence of a new invasive cryptid species, the amazing increase of killed livestock, the decreasing number of credible bigfoot sightings, and the increasing numbers of chupacabra incidents, is just that. Clearly the chupacabras' appetite is growing. First it was merely goats and other livestock, now it appears as though our lovable (yet tomato thieving S.O.B.) Bigfoots have become the latest addition to their menu. What's next? Nessy? Stranded Martians? I dare not even imagine a world without the Abominable Snowman. The chupacabra is a very real threat to our livestock and our crypto-ecosystem. Thus I feel compelled, nay, obliged to call upon any of you with a gun to go now, and hunt these demonic creatures down. Be warned, though, for you are taking your lives in your own hands.